Monday 10 March 2014
Sophie's 100wc - week 25...
One terrifying, yet creepy ,night in a haunted castle,a little girl,slept soundly in her bed,while hauntly noises surrounded her.she creped out of bed,however she tip toed down the windy,yet creaky steps,suddenly,she heard something rattle in her dolls box...she walked up the steps,to discover what it was! Everything was silent, but when she lifted the lid,”aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh”a ginger haired rag doll approached her with a gleaming knife,despite his tretuous smile,his devilish look caught her eye. All that was left in the room was blood,guts and gore, however will Chucky return again !.....
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A spine chilling story Sophie! You have lots of great descriptive adjectives. Watch out for run-on sentences where there are too many commas. It does make the sentence hard to read and understand. Otherwise your story is very interesting and makes for a good read.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Sophie.
ReplyDeleteSome excellent details in a creepy story.
You are attempting to use commas to develop your punctuation but check on where you place them.
Keep up the good work!