Once in a tremendous house lived a girl called Star, she lived in the United States . They were the richest family in the whole of United States.Her mother and father had there own business,which made them sooo rich. But Star was bored of this live she wanted to live like normal teenagers . So she started looking for a lovely box. After a hour of looking she found it ,but when she opened the lid. She was not suspecting normal clothes of her mother. She went down and asked her mum about the clothes. So she told her and they lived normally normal them ever after.
you might want to check the last bit :)
ReplyDeleteHi Nikola, I don't think I'd want to be the richest person in America either! Remember to read back over your work when you finish as I think the end of your story might need a little amending. Keep up the good work, Christine (Team100WC)
ReplyDeleteNikola,
ReplyDeleteYou started off well, setting the scene with some nicely chosen words. Make sure you read your work back to yourself (I find it most helpful to read it out loud) to make sure it all makes perfect sense.
Fiona (Team 100WC)