Molly, this was the first challenge that I have read this week and, wow, what a great way to start! I loved hearing you read this out loud AND seeing your beautifully presented 100 word challenge. You have worked hard to find many different ways to say 'said' and this makes your story more interesting for the reader. You have left me wanting to know more, too; another great skill for a writer. I enjoyed the speech but I also think that you have a rich vocabulary that you could use to add layers of description to make your writing even better. Perhaps you could have described HOW your characters were feeling when they heard the frightening noises. Rapid heart beats, sharp intakes of breath, wide eyes, nervous glances are the sort of examples that could be used. I really enjoyed reading, and listening, to this. Well done.
Molly - this is right up to your usual high standard of writing - well done! :) I think Mrs Neale makes a great point - think about describing how your characters feel (remember - 'show not tell'!) - maybe do this and reduce the amount of speech in there a little. Great writing :) Mr K
hey Mr Kenyon its me Becky Edwards i miss greenfields a lot but im enjoying meole i made loads of friends and how are u molly i misss you all lots also u mr kenyon bye bye xx
Molly, this was the first challenge that I have read this week and, wow, what a great way to start! I loved hearing you read this out loud AND seeing your beautifully presented 100 word challenge. You have worked hard to find many different ways to say 'said' and this makes your story more interesting for the reader. You have left me wanting to know more, too; another great skill for a writer.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the speech but I also think that you have a rich vocabulary that you could use to add layers of description to make your writing even better. Perhaps you could have described HOW your characters were feeling when they heard the frightening noises. Rapid heart beats, sharp intakes of breath, wide eyes, nervous glances are the sort of examples that could be used.
I really enjoyed reading, and listening, to this. Well done.
From Mrs Neale (Team 100WC)
ReplyDeleteMolly - this is right up to your usual high standard of writing - well done! :) I think Mrs Neale makes a great point - think about describing how your characters feel (remember - 'show not tell'!) - maybe do this and reduce the amount of speech in there a little.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing :)
Mr K
wow molly that was packed full of exiting words , you are really good at writing you could go very far !! well done.
ReplyDeletehey Mr Kenyon its me Becky Edwards i miss greenfields a lot but im enjoying meole i made loads of friends and how are u molly i misss you all lots also u mr kenyon bye bye xx
ReplyDeleteHiya Becky - we miss you too! It's great that you're enjoying Meole - I'm sure you're doing brilliantly there!
DeleteMr K :-)